
Saw the love of my life, my soul mate , kiss the girl he left me for, then walked on over smiled and said hi to both of them. No i didn't yell or scream, or punch anyone, just went over to talk to two friends. I mean thats what we are right? Idk anymore. James was my best friend and had been for the last couple of years after my father died he was the only i let in. Abby, i never really liked her until this year, actually thats too nice, i used to hate her. She was fake, and rude, sarcastic, and a social climber which was worst of all. But i still believe she is all of those things and sometimes i find myself wondering why it is that i am even friends with this girl, who stole him. Stealing isn't exactly the right words, yes i let him go, yes i flaunted that i had moved on first, but i had not moved, it was all a lie, a way to protect myself, from people feeling sorry for me, for me feeling sorry for me. I only let him go because he told me he was confused, and didn't know what or who he wanted, and after me spilling my heart out, and telling him that the only thing i was sure of in this life was my love for him, and having him still be confused i had to let him go, right ? Yet its been months, 6 months and 2 weeks and a handful of days since the fight, and i still think about him everyday. I still love him everyday. Still want him everyday. I would gladly give up anything to be with him, yet he is with a girl who doesn't even love him. Who is with him because "it is better than being alone" and because "i need someone". That my friends is what kills me even more. James and I are finally really friends, and it seems that slowly things are going back to how they were, and i dont want to give my hopes up , and when he tells me that he isnt as comfortable with anyone as he is with me, when he still flirts, or finds and excuse to touch my hair, or whisper in my ears ( which he knows is my weak spot) when he talks as if its just us, and ignores all else in the room, and then she shows up and we stop talking, he holds her hand they say goodbye and walk away. i know i should stop but i still feel it when we talk , when he touches me, when he looks at me, that spark, the butterflies, the hate, and the comfort that comes with being with him , with being in LOVE. So my conclusion, i remain friends with her because im scared that if im not i may lose him forever.
Current Obbsession: BLACK, Black lipstick, black nail polish, black roses( my favorite)